Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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