She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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