He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
