youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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