I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
