dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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