Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
