I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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