apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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