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• (818): View more from California

  We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier

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• (310): View more from California

  Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

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• (315): View more from New York

  I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental

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• (646): View more from New York

  This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie

  (347): View more from New York

  It's not

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (903): View more from Texas

  Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  ok thanks goodnight

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool

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• (585): View more from New York

  I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!

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• (516): View more from New York

  We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry

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