Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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