We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry