Already got asked if we're dating
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
