So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!