I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
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So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out