The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Less talking, more tequila
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
