I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
