I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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