lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
