I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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