He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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