I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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