The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We left an ass print on the piano.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
