no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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