so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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