You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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