my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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