We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
