His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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