if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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