he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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