Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
