Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
