hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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