I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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