I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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