Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
