I am puke
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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