I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
