why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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