I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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