So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
