Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
