you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
