No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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