You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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