I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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