Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
