You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
