he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
