Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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