I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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