Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
