yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
