Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
