Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
