She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
