I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
