I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize