Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
