He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
