What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
