I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
