Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
