nut hugger
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
