Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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