maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
