All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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