that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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