He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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