i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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