Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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