remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
