I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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