i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
