Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
PANTIES FOUND
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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